a tired nerd @maenad@cthonic.club

If you want to pay me to run a game for you+your friends, you can hire me to do so through here https://commiss.io/mags

Profile picture by @sherm , gifted by @signalstation

I'm a:
Computational scientist (PhD in Biology via Applied Math), doing the academia thing until I rage quit.

baker/dog owner/wannabe goth/poppunk nostalgist/(s)witch/comic nerd/crafter

Wantonly bisexual, terrible at romance, worse at monogamy, permanently angry at gender norms.

I like:
WoW/OW

brazilian jiu jitsu/muay thai/dance/lifting

Local nb domme continues to be the person everyone I knew in college thought I'd grow into and I continue to have to actively work to not be jealous

There's a trio of queerdos here, one fat femme, one nb, and one disabled and idk how to convey "I'm dancing near you because you're all cool as fuck and also where did you get a plus sized leather bralette" in a loud club

Also I spent 15 minutes freaking out that the line was somehow appropriation and googling things before leaving the house so lmk if it is plz

Feeling prickly and fractious (goth selfie w/ eye contact)

tried to make rice

burnt myself

then burnt the rice

gave up and texted a friend and asked them to bring me food

me: "I'll probably draw random lines on my face with eyeliner"
my mom: "WHY?"
me: "'cause I'm going out"
my mom: "STILL, why tho?"

Kiddo's mom asked me if I was planning to come visit when they move (they're moving across town for work + legal reasons)

She started crying at the idea kiddo might not see me anymore

... no, of course I'm planning to come visit

I keep telling people that I basically live like the lady of shallott these days and they ask me why I have so many onions

One of the smartest things I did was introduce two of my occasional partners to each other. Their conversation about me was great, and probably good for both of them ("I thought they didn't like me because they never kissed me" "oh they hate kissing", etc)

There's also plenty of compersive feelings, knowing they can kiss each other now and I don't have to muck with that gross stuff. 🤣

I think I'm a romance teetotaller

I just... don't think I know how to have a healthy relationship with it, and don't know that I'll ever figure that out.

For every time I think I figure out one part of what I want, society's in my head telling me how I'm wrong, or that I should want more.

It's hard to imagine calling myself someone's partner and not expecting them to either wrap their life around me or have me wrap mine around them. What even is compromise in that?

My skin is better (though my lips are smaller) since I stopped using things I'm actively allergic to

Now if only I could figure out how to get my purple circles to go away

I think I'm climbing out of a depressive hole, but it didn't look or feel like ones I've been in before

Hygeine was hard, cleaning my house even more so, and while I left the house most days, I had to get creative about my motivation

But I was productive in personal projects and felt very supported, so 🤷

I have showered, I have dressed, I have Walked The Dog, I am on my way to therapy

Pretty good for... Noon thirty 🤦‍♀️ (selfie, eye contact)

Selfie w/ eye contact

"you're overcomplicating things - why have a separate relationship when the five of us are already in an awesome relationship? besides, we have the rest of our lives together to figure things out"

I ... did not realize that it was CANONICAL that the scooby gang is a polycule, but it baaaaaaasically is