dear professor @maenad@cthonic.club

I have an instagram and I am back on birdsite

If you have either of those things and want to hear more from me, DM me.

I'm a:
Professor of Analytics, doing the academia thing until I rage quit.

baker/dog owner/wannabe goth/poppunk nostalgist/(s)witch/comic nerd/crafter

Wantonly bisexual, terrible at romance, worse at monogamy, permanently angry at gender norms.

I am OBSESSED with ttrpgs. Check out what I write at https://maenad.itch.io/, what I run/play at https://www.twitch.tv/magsmaenad, and what I make at https://www.etsy.com/shop/magsmaenad

Profile picture by @sherm , gifted by @signalstation

LB: I am playing in this.

I have an instagram and I am back on birdsite

If you have either of those things and want to hear more from me, DM me.

our conversation ended with me yelling "I JUST WANT YOU TO MAKE EMOTIONALLY HEALTHY DECISIONS" at his retreating back which means it was PROBABLY not that productive in terms of actually changing anything but WAS cathartic.

I've expressed this to him, and he's heard it but not understood it

he's like "I didn't get drunk so that I wouldn't be able to go" and I'm like "thaaaat's so far from why I'm upset you idiot I care about you"

in the 10 days my houseguest has been here I've slept elsewhere twice

both times he's gotten problematically intoxicated

we had plans for yesterday to go into the mountains and have a day and he texted me at 2 AM that he was drunk and throwing up so couldn't go

I had fun without him

I am still hurt, exasperated, and disappointed.

If I said an ow streamer with 50k subs was coming into town today so I could help him recover from a toxic situation in a minimally toxic environment this shirt would ID him 100%... To a crowd I don't run in

(Selfie, eye contact)

right before J and I left and we were kinda working things out and I'd just gotten a new partner and J was dealing with jealousy off and on.

Then I got the news about my dad and J was like "call her so she can keep you company while I straighten things out at work".

A+ reaction, v good, will think about that one for ages.

sorry for the lack of CWs, it just is so hard to find the right ones when I'm this emotionally worn down.

my therapist joked with me that the universe was just trying to shove us together.

I don't believe in that kind of thing but. It's a funny, if vain, thought. "Your grandmother was the warning shot".

I was sitting with him when my grandmother died and said something like "what am I going to do? make you drive me to St Louis to say goodbye?" and he said "I will" and we went "wait nevermind"

48 hrs later we were in line at Jo Ann's and I got the phone call that my dad died. So that was the "okay guess we're going to NJ now" moment.

My grandmother died because she was old, my dad died from a heart attack while doing yard work.

right before I left a dude I'd been sort of seeing for a long time debated stopping talking to me to go monogamous with this really toxic chick and I had to be like "we're friends so let me just say she sounds toxic." (between "I've known you two weeks so stop talking to this person and date me" and "I don't like oral but maybe if I'm drunk")

he drove me to NJ from NM and back 1 week later. Road trip took 3 weeks. Guess we're dating now, like for real.

In the last month I lost two members of my family, roadtripped across the country and back, and made countless masks.

if you need a cloth mask, hmu.

does anyone have recs for minimally problematic banks?

does anyone have a bodyweight workout resource they recommend? minor complication: the screws in my left foot mean a pushup position is uncomfortable in a bad way (I can do knees and elevate to get a similar exercise)

I keep remembering the night I kicked him out, and how I asked so many people to stay with me to make sure I was safe and none of them did

and then one person came by 3 hours later and took me to breakfast and it was very kind because we'd only just met

... and how he and I broke up a month ago and now I have no one I can ask

and that happened 16 months ago and it's not now and I probably do have friends who would help now, but it's so hard to see