dear professor @maenad@cthonic.club

I'm a:
Professor of Analytics, doing the academia thing until I rage quit.

baker/dog owner/wannabe goth/poppunk nostalgist/(s)witch/comic nerd/crafter

Wantonly bisexual, terrible at romance, worse at monogamy, permanently angry at gender norms.

I am OBSESSED with ttrpgs. Check out what I write at https://maenad.itch.io/, what I run/play at https://www.twitch.tv/magsmaenad, and what I make at https://www.etsy.com/shop/magsmaenad

Profile picture by @sherm , gifted by @signalstation

does anyone have recs for minimally problematic banks?

does anyone have a bodyweight workout resource they recommend? minor complication: the screws in my left foot mean a pushup position is uncomfortable in a bad way (I can do knees and elevate to get a similar exercise)

I keep remembering the night I kicked him out, and how I asked so many people to stay with me to make sure I was safe and none of them did

and then one person came by 3 hours later and took me to breakfast and it was very kind because we'd only just met

... and how he and I broke up a month ago and now I have no one I can ask

and that happened 16 months ago and it's not now and I probably do have friends who would help now, but it's so hard to see

I'm realizing that I have a bunch of unaddressed capital t Trauma and that means I need to take a step back

like, you know, maybe isolation reminds me of my ex and the general "ehhh" that people have about any sort of hangs (even virtual, sometimes) feels like repeated rejection and all I can remember is my ex telling me he was embarrassed to be seen with me in public

and is society melting down? yeah, but animal brain is selfish.

all I did today was laundry and try to get an auto e-mail to go out and I failed at both of them.

I realize I probably need water and a nap but my brain is telling me I'm a useless failure who doesn't deserve those things.

my brain is not good.

today in teaching: worrying that my students will be able to tell that I'm crying by my voice.

Birthday selfie

I have been having some weird disconnect because I feel, fundamentally, unattractive.

But then I get evidence that says that I'm not.

And IDK what to do about this.

a positive relationship post for today:

I found someone I've had an admiration for for a couple... years? on fetlife and we talked on the phone today and shx pointed me to a queer horror anthology and we talked about making jewelry and we will walk Kris together soon.

I have 0 plans to relationship hxr at this juncture but it's nice to meet and flirt with someone who's smart and creative and has shared interests.

anyway, going to actually try and sleep

have a humming rock

https://twitter.com/lauraperezgr/status/1249976706989019137

also, I bought $100 of stamps today

I don't like a LOT about our country, but the USPS is actually pretty sweet.

mags 3 AM life update OVER

I've been going to the coffee shop and getting carry out fairly often because I NEED THIS COFFEE SHOP TO SURVIVE THIS

anyway, barista dude gave me free bacon today 'cause it was snowing and my dog was waiting outside.

(dude I was sleeping with but am now reevaluating things with when I realized he responds HELLA BAD to boundaries said I stopped wanting him when I met people cooler than him

I think I just stopped wanting him when I started getting more from my neighbor than I do from him.

Not that we're fucking, or even want to be fucking, just that it feels GOOD to be "sit around and bitch on the daily" mode with someone. even if usually we bitch about dogs and the weather.