looking at the latest hn thread about mastodon and seeing at least a half-dozen people who are essentially saying: "i went on mastodon and the people on there were behaving in a kind and respectful way, and it was too stressful to make myself behave in a kind and respectful way too, so i left"

weirds me out so much when i read stuff like this. like gives me a massive huge "unknowability of the other" feeling

like. what's the most charitable way we can interpret this sentiment?? are they saying "i'm incredibly clumsy and can't be trusted around people who i may hurt"? or "i just want to be allowed to be an asshole because it fits my personal brand and makes me feel cool and other people actually telling me this isn't cool is cramping my style"???

i think a big divide in the way that people are expected to behave (which we see a lot on the internet) may basically come down to how you define "respect"

a lot of people think "i respect this person" means "i try to treat this person how i would want to be treated"

whereas a lot of other people think "i respect this person" means "i try to treat this person how they want to be treated"

i personally prefer the latter. but you see lots of people who don't!

@jk they also act like there's an expectaction to be perfect, when there isn't, there's just an expectation to try

so you forget CWs sometimes

so you don't check someone's pronouns and default to gender neutral when they've expressed a strong preference

you'll get called out and given the opportunity to apologize and change

like, I don't get how that's bad/unexpected/impossible to tolerate

@maenad maybe they're also inclined to be the kind of person that doesn't like to admit they're wrong, and instead double-down on why what they did was okay? so they'd rather not apologise, and they'd rather not be put in the position of admitting vulnerability or that they made a mistake